Santa Clause and Star Trek

So I come out of the NRA Cafe this morning and what do I see? Old Jolly Saint Nick, of course!

What Santa Clause was doing at the NRA, I do not know- but he came with an army of non-elf (human) helpers who were kind enough to take a picture of me with him (a bad one, but a picture with Santa nonetheless).

The only person brave enough to take a picture with me and him was Sarah Young, the newest addition to our Event Services crew. Why you wouldn't want to take a picture with Santa is beyond me. People just kept staring at him like he didn't really exist or something...

To my little sister, Mother told me you were having fits about never getting your picture taken with Santa (well she didn't say that, but when she asked if you had I assumed it was because you were mad or something). I took you at least two times when I was of driving age, I just can't afford the $20 price tag to get the picture that commemorated the experiences.

Also (note my greenish sweater in the picture above) I have been obsessed with Star Trek lately. For the Trekkies out there, I mean Star Trek: The Original Series. I am still only a beginner Trekkie- but I did spend over 13 hours of Thanksgiving break watching the first season episodes. I mention this only because when I woke up this morning and got dressed, and oblivious to my new obsession with the show, my husband pointed out to me that I was dressed like Captain Kirk- compare the pictures below:

I am the one on the right, in case you couldn't tell the difference because we are so eerily similar. Thankfully Husband still had his ANCIENT phone lying around so I could use it as my Enterprise Communicator.

Amber Out.

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Wives Should Come With Warning Labels

Remember when Husband gave me a hickey on my forehead? (Click here to read "Husbands Should Come With Warning Labels" where that blog post is featured.)

Well, what goes around comes around. It's revenge time and payback is a ...

... eye hickey!

Enough said. (Oh, except to mention that I wasn't trying to get revenge, I was trying to suck his eyeball out of his head. I only tried for a second... I can't believe it caused so much damage.)

I always seem to have something to say after I say "Enough Said," why is that?

At least I didn't go all Tiger Woods' wife on him.

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No Turkey Thanksgiving

This week we celebrated Thanksgiving Day, and I am so stuffed from it, I can hardly think of anything clever to write for the length of this post. But, I will say that me, Husband, and Matlock did not get the chance to go home for old Turkey Day, and so Top Chef Shorter cooked us a magnificent feast.

We decided to one up President Obama and pardon all turkeys and instead Husband used his advanced culinary skills to cook us up some delicious filet mignon, crab cakes, brushetta (that was actually me), four cheese mashed potatoes, and sautéed mushrooms (me again). Salivate at the picture below:

Yes, Ma, I used the fabric you bought me at IKEA as a tablecloth- I told you I would never make it into a picture if we didn't do it the weekend you came to visit.

Below is my ultimate contribution to the dinner- Coke and Ice Cream Floats! Yummm....

So, it isn't the most exciting or funniest post I have ever done, but just to give you something to laugh about (or make fun of me for later), you can watch the video below of me obsessing over my puppy once again. Enjoy, and Happy Turkey Day!

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Turning Vampire Under a New Moon

Tweens, teens, (this 20-something year old), middle-age, and menopausal women everywhere are beaming with anticipation as the newest movie in the Twilight series, New Moon, is finally in theaters!

Well, while others are throwing on their capes and waiting until it is dark to go outside, I've been... doing the same. It seems this past Wednesday I too turned to the dark side as a cut on my lip starting bleeding and my co-workers Josh and Kara caught it on camera- insisting I was a New Moon vampire (which we had just been recently discussing... weird! But, really, who hasn't just recently discussed the New Moon movie? Love it or hate it, you've heard of it.)

Husband wont stop telling me how gross it is, more so because I put the picture on the web for all to see. It has been looking awful forever (I have a tendency to bite and pick at it, making it worse), and I stink at doing makeup, so it will stay that way until I can learn to control my horrible habits.

My funny hand movement was my attempt to be half vampire half werewolf but my crappy claw turned into more of a wimpy wave. Also pictured is co-worker Car-Uh, she's just a human.

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Dolls With Balls

You may not believe me (Rebecca Kaelin/Pannell), but I am on a bowling team. Yes, a real-life bowling team where I compete against other teams.

Rebecca probably does not believe this, seeing as she was Capitan of the bowling team in high school and averages a 420 game (I know, that isn’t possible- but if it was, Rebecca would have it because she is ridiculously good). Despite her persistent attempts to make me a better bowler, it never really stuck. But now, I am on a bowling team- and guess what Rebecca? I am still just as bad as you remember me.

Yes, I have a whopping average of a 96.652 or something else ridiculously low. And the worst part is, I am ranked fifth from last in bowling averages. Meaning, most subs beat me out too. I am not too concerned with this though- because my team miraculously still came in fourth place in a ten team league (thank you high handicaps!). <--- People will dispute our actual ranking, but the official results have not come out yet and that was where we were last ranked.

My team’s name is “Dolls with Balls”. It is cleverly named so because the team is made up of three women (the dolls) and one man (you get it now, right?). I haven’t been able to get a picture of the whole team, but here is one of the dolls (and a sub doll for our balls).

From left to right: Megan Heltzel (Stonewall Doll) Kara Schlifke (Montreal Doll), Me (the Doll with it All), Nicole McMahon (Small Doll).

I just made up those nicknames- just to spice it up a little. You like how I gave myself the best nickname? "You would," says Heltzel (or she will say that once she reads this).

So maybe I am not the "Doll with it All," but I am a Doll with Balls. Misconstrue that however you may, but I've got team spirit, yes I do, I've got spirit, how 'bout you?

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Loosing Wait Is A Sweat Jester

Seeing as editing is a large part of my job description, some people (cough cough, Husband) like to suggest that this "editing" skill should carry over to my blog. To them (him), I would like to say - I aint on da clock, Huz, sew leaf me a loan peas.

But my sickly Friday has given me the unique opportunity to read over many of my old blog postings, which, if I do say so myself, are quite delightful. Unfortunately, there are many mistakes I didn't catch. Below are two of my more humorous (and embarassing) oversights:

In my February 2009 post, titled "Puppy Love," I refered to Husband making a "sweat jester" when I meant to say "sweet gesture."

In my November 2008 post, titled "The People Have Spoken," I say "loosing wait" where I meant to say "losing weight."

There are many, many more. And you will notice a number of punctuation mistakes in all my blog postings (this one not excluded). I love reading over them today and finding all the funnies I glossed over in the anticipation of being able to press the "Publish Post" button. While they are hilarious to me, the editor in me still has to fight back the urge to change them online. Even though my editing skills have significantly improved since I first started this blog (I edited this sentence more than two times), I don't blog to hone my editing skills. Rather, to me, blogging is more about developing and showcasing my writing voice (and goofing off without having to worry about all the technical aspects of writing).

It just goes to show (and I have always said this), you can't edit your own work like you can another's work. You read it the way you thought it, not the way you actually wrote it. And as long as the people reading my blog know, or at least have faith, that I am not a complete idiot- than I am okay with my many missteaks. <--- That one was on the house.

Please Note: Yes, I am aware there are many mistakes in this post too. Yes, I know I shouldn't be using parentheses in every sentence. No, I did not check this post for grammatical and spelling errors either (well, not yet at least).

So now that all that has been cleared up- I want to give a very stern message to all my friends (if you are my friend on facebook than I mean you) who have a blog and haven't told me about it- I crave reading blogs about people I actually know- shame on you for keeping it a secret! Fess up now, or I will "follow" you. I'm not scared to let you know I read your blog- after all, what is the point of having a blog if you don't want others to read it?? You may redeem yourself by commenting below.

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Where in the World is ANIBSHO?

I'm right here! It has been brought to my attention (more than a few times) that it has been awhile since I have blogged. I make no excuses, but to catch you up on all the "exciting" things I have been leaving out, here is a bunch of pictures in no particular order and without dates:

After reading this, you may guess why I haven't been blogging as much.

All of my cardigans have holes on the elbows. This is actually not a new development, just a constant thing that is slowly diminishing my wardrobe options (that's a lie, I still wear them anyway, I need my cardigans!).

To celebrate Labor Day, I cooked a good ol' American Pie (the good part is debatable). At this point I would like to mention a long-held belief that my Mother purposefully leaves out steps and certain ingredients to ensure that no recipe of her's you ever try will come out better than how she makes it. Some call it a conspiracy theory, but I know what she's capable of people.

Jon-Michael came to visit and we took him to see the most notable piece of art in all of D.C. - The Stephen Colbert portrait at the American History Museum. He was feeling a little camera shy as there are about 100 people both in front of him in line and behind him in line to see the main exhibit.

I made Husband a "1" pancake to celebrate our 1-year anniversary. He got me dance classes, which he has volunteered to take with me (this is very out of character and I am working on another conspiracy theory for this unusual behavior too).

JJohn sent me this really cute picture of her and my brother BNIB during a homecoming party in Martin (I think) on a day I really needed it. This is now my phone's background.

My coworker Josh (see later in the post) put a green-bean in between my windshield wiper and my windshield and it stayed there for months, through rain and shine, through 2 or 3 trips back and forth to Tennessee. But like all great things, they're there one moment and gone the next - without even so much of a goodbye.

My husband cooked me New York Strip Steak with yummy vegetables and I cooked him my homemade version of a Mexican pizza. Both were delicious.

My coworker Josh's (previously mentioned) birthday was October 16th so I spent extra time trashing his cube. This is actually the after picture, the before picture shows a good portion of his cube saren-wrapped and filled with balloons. Josh, being the old man that he is (24), was not as excited about having to pop over a 100 balloons. Note: The confetti you see on the ground is office-confetti known as hole-puncher punches. Happy Birthday Joshua!!

For trashing Josh's office so well, I was moved from my beloved cubicle to an OFFICE, which I am pretty stoked about!! I feel super important now and still can't believe it's all mine. But cube life has been awesome to me - I even thought about doing a whole blog post saying goodbye to the most perfect cube a girl could ask for, but thought it would bring back too many memories.

(Sorry, the pictures are taken from bad angles and are super small, but you get the point).

I finally found the correct bags for my vacuum cleaner. I had been searching for months for them and could never find the right ones and then I finally found them, came home and inserted into my vacuum, and lifted the handle to start vacuuming and the tube snapped in half!!! I seriously threw a "I hate my life" fit as I stared at the new bags and broken vacuum. Such is life. But MIL (my awesome Mother-In-Law) sent me a new vacuum called the shark. No bags, cordless, and small so it doesn't take up room in my apartment. I LOVE IT! I have vacuumed everyday since I've gotten it. Thanks MIL!

Even though I don't really have any place to go on Halloween, Mother made me this super-cute old-timey detective outfit!! And every detective needs a clue-sniffing dog with matching outfit, right? I love this outfit so much that Husband is scared he is going to see me out wearing it one day when it isn't Halloween, lol. The detailed pictures are so much better and you can see how my mother made it on her blog here. Matlock and I are very pleased. Don't worry though Mother, I did get to wear it to work!

Oh and I painted our TV stand that we originally found by the dumpster when we first moved into our apartment. It used to be a very glossy cherry color with a lot of chips and scrapes in it, so I decided to paint it green to match the rest of the room. We have too many different wood colors going on, something needed to be painted. Note: the really long snake you see below it is Matlock's favorite chew toy, which is about 6 ft long - he drags it everywhere and it is filled with these tiny white balls that get everywhere- the reason I actually vacuum everyday...

Matlock became addicted to my blackberry. Not really, I just took a thousand pictures of him one day and it looks like he is playing on it here.

I am sure I left out plenty of things, like the scholarship program at work that was a ton of fun, the trip to Albany my work sent me on, and the three weddings Husband was in over the summer, etc. For this I apologize, because if I don't have a picture, I forget to blog about it and if I don't blog about it right after it happens, I forget all the interesting stuff. Okay bye now. (COMMENT! Comments keep me going...)

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Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

P.S. By the way (which is kind of redundant to say considering I started out with "P.S."), I got a haircut. And by "got" I mean I cut it off myself, which if you know me, you already knew that's what I meant anyway.

Husband says I look like a news anchor/reporter. I'd like to hear you weigh in- I report, you decide (ha ha a little Fox News humor for those of you who watch it).

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Our baby boy...we think.

Husband and I have a long-standing theory that either (a) we are going to have really cute offspring or (b) we are going to have really not-so-cute (to put it nicely) offspring.

We only say this because we are two people who have completely different features from one another. I have an oval shaped face, he has a squarish-but not really square face, I have light hair, he has dark, I have big blue eyes (normal eyes) and he has not-so-big GREEN eyes (some might say squinty), etc. And everyone knows that if you have two people with completely different features, their kids always turn out on one of the extreme sides. So to finally put this cute or not-cute kids question to rest, I did what any curious person would do- I morphed our faces together on morphthing.com and well, you can decide for yourself. As far as what we think- we just hope the picture is meant to be a representation of if we had a boy, ha ha.

ADDED TO POST:

After looking again, we think our kid looks oddly familiar- like our nephew, Parker, perhaps? You decide.

PS: If you're wondering why our kid has gray hair, the picture I used for Husband's morph was in black and white.

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Funny Story... (and no time for clever titles)

I finish reading a story to Husband and laugh hysterically.

Husband looks back at me with no emotion.

Me: "How do you not think that was funny??!"

Husband: "Because it just wasn't funny."

Me: "That was hilarious!"

I proceed to dramatically explain to him the humor in the story.

Husband smiles as I re-hash the details.

Me: "Isn't that funny??!"

Husband: "No."

Me: "I feel sorry for you because you can't see humor in the small things."

Husband: "I can see humor in the small things, I just don't think it was funny."

Me: "You were smiling which means you do think it was somewhat funny."

Husband: "No, I think you're funny."

Me: "So I would make a good story?"

Husband: "No. I think you are the kind of funny people have to watch to think is funny."

Me: "So you think I would make a funny show? You think I would be a good reality show?"

Husband: "Not a reality show necessarily. I just think you're the kind of funny that someone would have to marry to become your husband, and then watch you as your husband to think you're funny."

Me: "That's not funny."

Please note that Husband did not think this story was funny or blog worthy. But if you smiled or laughed or just thought part of it was funny, I believe it was worth blogging about and think you should comment on it.

If you didn't think it was funny, you probably just had to be there- ha ha ha ha ha ha. I crack myself up.

(PS: Check out my awesome labels for this post)

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Ahhh Love....

Random Wedding Guests: "So, when did you two get married?"

Husband: "July 24th?" looking at me.

Me: "July 27th?" looking at him.

Husband: "July 24th." Sure as can be.

Me: "Hmmm... I'm not sure. July twentieth something." Looking back at the guest, still unsure.

Husband: "July 24th." Looking back at the guest, really confident.

Me: "I guess July 24th." Giving in.

Random Wedding Guests: "Huh."

I'm still not really sure when our anniversary is, but I know it's next month and this was the first time we had really remembered it was coming up. Ahhh love....

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Husbands should come with warning labels...

I have a migraine today, and what does any good husband do when their wife has a migraine? They ask what they can do to help. 

"I just want you to suck the migraine out of my head," I said while taking his hand, placing his palm on my forehead and applying minimal pressure. "I just want you to use your powers to get rid of it, like those religious people on tv do."

What does your husband do when you ask him to suck the migraine out of your head?

He literally sucks your head and gives you one of these on your forehead:

What does your wife do after discovering her husband left a hickey on her forehead (that probably won't go away in time for working the morning)?

She puts on her angry face (while he puts on his "Oh Crap, she is going to kill me" face) and she sends him out to buy her Subway to make up for it (since she can't go out in public anymore!) and then laughs hysterically once he has left. 

PS: It would figure that the one time I actually take a decient picture, it would be the time I have a giant hickey on my forehead. 

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Story Time (No Picture Book Though, Sorry)

Sometimes, I get the itch to write, but have nothing to write about and so I visit a wonderful little place at writersdigest.com that provides people with writing prompts (like your teachers did in middle school) and then a place to post what they have written. This is the first time I have actually ever written one though and thought I would share it with you (mainly because I am slacking on the blogging lately). Below is the prompt, followed by the 500-words-or-less story that I posted on the website's forum. Enjoy!

Writer’s Digest.com Writing Prompt- May 12, 2009

You've recently purchased a new house. Upon your first full night there, you begin to hear noises but think nothing of it—until you see something that convinces you the house is haunted. 

Please limit your response to 500 words or fewer.

The summer heat was unbearable. My clothes stuck to my skin and the constant water breaks made it excruciatingly difficult for me to get anything done on the first night in my new house. "Thank God the air conditioning is supposed to be fixed tomorrow," I sighed, looking at my dog Harry.

Hopeless and exhausted, I retired to the bedroom, but not before moving every portable fan in the house to my bedside. I cracked the windows and laid down to go to sleep, a thin sheet being all that I could bear in the stuffy heat.

"If someone broke in right now, how would I react?" The question I ask myself almost every night as I fall asleep- partially due to an unhealthy obsession with watching crime-related television dramas. Nonetheless, this is the same question that plagues me each night, the same question that rarely ever results in an actual answer. Instead, I occupy the majority of my thoughts going over details like, "Well, it depends, are they here for my stuff, or are they here for me?" and "It depends, am I asleep when I hear them outside my bedroom or do I awake with them standing over me?" All of these and more are the important questions that lay the platform for how the rest of my story turns out. As for the paranormal, I hardly waste my time wrestling with those thoughts- there is no way to fight a ghost, a feeling, or an unexplained act if you've never encountered one before.

Mid-way through my nightly ritual, right as my eyes began to droop and my body began to give into the heat, my eyes shot open at the sound of an unfamiliar noise outside my bedroom window.

My head was instantly flooded with thoughts of every possibility of what it could be, both good and bad. I locked eyes with the bedroom window and tried to remain positive, writing it off as normal house noises I had yet to become accustomed to. Then I remembered what the bedroom blinds were hiding, a window that I had opened to let the night breeze cool the bedroom while I slept. After which, only scenes from horror movies and ghost stories played in my head.

I started cursing myself for having so many fans on- while usually I welcome the soothing roar of a fan as I go to sleep, tonight it made it nearly impossible to discern what the rough rumbling noise outside my window may be. “I can’t make it out” I kept telling my ears as I strained to try and distinguish it, to recognize the sound, “Oh, please let me recognize the sound.”

Then I heard the same noise coming from within the house. I immediately focused on the light coming through the crack under my bedroom door to the hallway. No creepy shadows stopping at my door, that was a good sign. I got up from my bed, trying to move as silently as possible. I moved toward the door, wishing my dog was taking the noises as seriously I was. As I touched my hand to the door knob, my heart stopped. I heard the noise coming from within my bedroom and as I turned around a cool chill went down my spine and I smiled. The air conditioning was finally working. 

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What married people do on the weekend...

We make headboards! (Well, I did at least)

Since we moved in, I have been consistently trying to make our apartment look more "home-y". I've been wanting a headboard for a while now, because I suspected it would really pull the room together and am fairly happy with the results. 

How I did it:

-4 pieces of wood - free! Husband's parents brought them up when they helped us move into the apartment back in August and they've just been sitting in my laundry room. 

- Old Twin size (I actually suspect it is a little kid size) mattress pad - $3 at Goodwill

- Chocolate brown twin size sheet (fitted) - $18 at Target (w/a pillow case and a flat sheet)

- Glue Gun, Nails, and Hammer - already had

- Total Price: $21

I think you can imagine how I did it, it has been on enough decorating shows to know. I was really frustrated when I got home though, because I couldn't figure out how I was going to do it- I was lacking in some important tools, but refused to make it an $80 project through going out and buying more stuff. But after arguing it out with the M (my Mother for those of you who call your mom's by more conventional names), I decided to use the glue gun I already had to put the pieces of wood together. Cross your fingers they will hold- ha ha. 

I also picked these vases up at Goodwill for .29 cents a piece- which I thought would help tie in the table to the green bambo rug below it (and apparently the green outside- the tree in the window looks awesome!). I had some small candles that I put in each of them- which will be really nice for all those dinner parties I host (ha ha).

Overall, I think my finds and craftiness today were money well spent for the effect they had on the rooms. My new headboard really makes the room look so... grown up (don't cry M). 

PS: Husband actually took some time to nail the mattress pad (used as the headboard cushioning) to the boards- I suspect he was thinking about law school exams as he hammered. 

Love and Junk

ANIB-SHO

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A Chic Chick

6:30 PM... I walk through the door, grocery bag in hand.

"Why are you so late?" - Husband, obviously just waking up from a mini-nap

"Somebody told me to stop and get toilet paper before I came home," - Me, throwing the grocery bag of TP on the bed, "and traffic sucked."

"Why did it take so long?" - Husband

"I stopped by TJMaxx (next to the grocery store) to see if they had any polos on sale, which they did, but they were still asking too much than I wanted to---"

"WHY DID YOU BUY A NEW PURSE???" - Interupts Husband (Insert Bon Qui Qui "Rude!" statement here)

"I didn't!" - Me (convincingly innocent) "This is the same one I left the house with this morning. Remember, I was changing purses last night...."

"No. No. No. That is a new purse, you left the house this morning with a different tan one." - Husband (annoyingly observant)

"Yeah, you're right. I bought it at TJMaxx, I needed a nice tan one to go with work clothes." -Me

"You can't turn it [spending money] off, can you?" - Husband

"No. No, I can't. I have a problem. You should just take my debit card away from me." - Me, I have a problem.

"I know- I should. How much did it cost???" - Husband 

"I don't know, like $20 or something (or something)." - Me, knowing good and well the exact cost was $24 (and I assume if he reads this blog, he now knows too).

"Gah, Amber... you're the one that said 'No more spending anymore money'." - Husband

"Yeah, and I mean it (starting.... now.)." - Me

"Here.  Your Mom sent you something." - Husband, handing me a package

"Yay! She said she was going to send me something..." -Me, trying to open the very small package. "I meant to ask her if I am still entitled to an After-Tax-Season-Present even thought I don't live with them anymore. I could really use some new sharpies.... (my parents are accountants and we used to get a present after every tax season to make up for their career-over-family neglect during that time. Ultra Fine Point Sharpies, if you are reading this, Ma.)" - Me, still trying to open the package (!!)

"Well, you're not going to buy any new ones now..." - Husband

"Ha, ha, yeah, I know." - Me, finally looking inside the package (MOTHER- THAT PACKAGE WAS RIDICULOUSLY HARD TO GET OPENED! Go light on the tape next time, will ya?)

"AH! YAY!" - Me, pulling out of the package two clear yellow easter chicks (see photo) with $20 in each of them. 

"HAPPY EASTER JACOB!" - Me again, as I hand it one to Husband. 

"Awww... that was nice of them." - Husband

"Yeah! Purse money..." - Me

(picture: note the one labeled Amber no longer contains $20)

In all fairness, the me "spending money all the time" habits that Husband refers to includes things like groceries, rent, cable & internet, student loans, etc. This form of spending money Husband likes to classify under Me because I am the one that physically (writes and sends the checks) pays the bills. Why this is so, I will never know...

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